“I just couldn’t take the fact that I had to leave again,” Eilish said of preparing for a recent tour. “It felt like an endless limbo. Like there was no end in sight. And, I mean, it’s true: There really is no end in sight with touring.”

“Thinking about that literally made me throw up,” she added. “I’m not a throw-upper, but I threw up twice, from the anxiety.”

She said she has since become more comfortable with touring, thanks to a combination of a number of things, including therapy and coordinating with her friends to visit her on the road.

“I have an amazing job, dude,” she says. “I really do. The things I get to do in my career have just been unbelievable. Like, this s—, bro? Can you believe this is real?”

The singer said that she’s also struggled with body dysmorphia and depression throughout her life. After starting dance classes at age 12, Eilish realized she suffered from body image issues.

“That was probably when I was the most insecure,” she said. “I wasn’t as confident. I couldn’t speak and just be normal. When I think about it or see pictures of me then, I was so not OK with who I was.”

She later suffered an injury, halting her dance career, which she revealed impacted her greatly.

“I think that’s when the depression started,” she said. “It sent me down a hole. I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.”